Remembering the Loss

About a decade ago, I lost my best friend. No, she didn’t die. Instead, I pushed her away and then she never spoke to me again. I’m bipolar and it’s actually a common thing for bipolar people that we can’t maintain friendships for long. What happened was, I had mental breakdown and said/did some bad things. By the time I was well enough to apologize and realize the gravity of my actions, it was too late. I lost my best friend. I often wonder if I was her best friend though. She’s never once tried contacting me over this past decade, so I guess not. That hurts more than anything. One of the many reasons I created a brand-new Facebook account was to no longer be reminded of this pain, among others (like seeing photos of my other great loss, Aayla). 

I’ll never be cured of bipolar, but I am finally on the correct medications and have learned what to do and not do in order to manage my condition. Dammit, I’m crying now. I should have known that creating this piece and writing this description would cause me emotional pain, but I did it anyway. I guess I had feelings that needed to finally be expressed and let go of.