Rundown
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here so let’s get caught up, shall we? Dad is still in the long-term care facility, as he needs to be, and because of that his side of the family now hates us. They bitch and moan, but I’ve yet to hear any of them say they would take care of him themselves. I still recall that after Mom got a call from her brother (who calls or gets called regularly), Dad started crying because neither of his siblings would ever check up on him regularly or just pick up the phone to ask how he’s doing. Maybe if they had treated him better over the years, he would be in a better mental state now. No way of knowing for sure now. After my grandpa (Dad’s dad) was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease, my parents had a lot of long serious talks about what they should do if one of them because incapacitated either physically or mentally. They both agreed that the other should not be forced to take care of them if they are in a severe state. Dad even told me directly, during several of the times we went to visit Grandpa after his mind was going, that we should absolutely put him in a nursing home if the same happened to him. We are absolutely only doing what Dad wanted us to do in this circumstance. We honestly should have done it sooner, but Mom held on for as long as she could. Of course she did, they’ve been married over 40 years and have always loved each other very much overall regardless of day-to-day troubles.
As for me, I’ve been feeling really shitty for the past month or so. It all started when Mom accidentally forced me to visit Dad. (Yes, I know what I just typed.) He didn’t know me. Seeing him like he was and not knowing who I was, it sent me running out of that building in tears. I cried so hard while leaning against an outside wall that a guy who was there visiting his mother came over to make sure I was alright. We talked for a while as we both had parents in there with dementia, and he even gave me a hug. I usually don’t talk to people I don’t know, hell even people I do know, but I was in desperate need at that moment.
I think that incident triggered a minor-to-moderate depression episode that has lasted for over a month now. I’m not having suicidal thoughts or anything that bad, I just feel so rundown. All I’ve been able to do lately is play video games to an obsessive degree.
